Wednesday, May 27, 2009

In Loving Memory...

Today is 2 full weeks since Scott passed away and in loving memory of him I am writing this post.
He became such a wonderful man. Yes, it was still challenging to be in a relationship with him but that kept me grounded. He kept me "real". He expected much from me and I can only hope that I met his expectations. The really screwed up part about his passing is that he finally became the man and husband I knew he could be and that was so short lived. Why does that happen!?
Today I miss him more than I have in the last 2 weeks. I watched him fade away as the cancer slowly/quickly took EVERYTHING from him. First it took his energy, then his appetite, then more energy, then his reasoning abilities, then his control. I had to take control for him and I know that was the hardest thing for him. I had to do things for him that he would refer to as "above and beyond the call of duty". But I did it with so much love in my heart - not only for him but for the God we worship.

This whole process was a huge test of faith. Not only mine, but his as well, but until the end, when he could no longer process his thoughts into words, he kept saying, "God's still got this". And I'm reminded today that this is very true.

Even though I'm terribly sad today, I still love the LORD with all my heart and I feel His presence in my home and in my life. He has new plans for me now. I'm not sure what they are, but I know this to be solidly true. And whatever those plans are I'm sure Scott would say, "Just go for it".

He really believed in living on the edge and do what you think God would have you do and do it with everything you have. Scott did everything, right down to the very end just the way he wanted to. He went on his last trip to Mexico on just God's strength because he really believed that this is what God wanted him to do.

Kristen and I were having a conversation about it the other day and I told her that I just kept reliving all of it over and over in my head and so I know this means that I need to put it all down on paper - that will be the next blog, I think. It might be edited some, but Scott's story needs to be told. Not just of his "colorful" past, but rather from where his "life" really started and how it all came to be for a "time such as this".

So, in honor of Scott today, I will try really hard not to cry (much). And I'll remember all the good times and adventures we had together. And there were plenty!

Scott, I miss you and I will always miss you.
And I will always love you the best.