Friday, January 2, 2009

Life's Bouncing Ball.

Okay, so I was thinking today when I was trying to nap and couldn’t fall asleep that life is like a ball.

It’s bouncing between God and me.

Most of the time it’s bouncing pretty good, regardless of the trials I face and joys I'm experiencing. Something happens, I bounce it up and then He says, “You can do this, I’m here with you”, and bounces it back. It gets hard to deal with life and its tragedies and I bounce it back and he bounces it for me for awhile and then bounces it back.

Then wonderful things are happening and the ball goes back and forth quickly as I share my highs with the Lord and He is just as pleased as I am and bounces it back, “Here, see how I’ve blessed you”.

You get the idea…

Then like every other human being I know, I get distracted and turn my spiritual eyes away from Him and drop the damn thing and it goes rolling away. This is when I find I’m freaking out and I’m emotionally and spiritually out of control.

How strange that this happens during the times when I need to stay focused on God and paying attention.

What happens?? Why do I do that?? I get so frustrated! I feel so foolish.

My own frustration/foolishness level rises and I give up, of course, till He quietly calls me back again. He is faithful even and more so, when I am not. And I'm thinking about "mustard seeds" here.

Then I ask myself why do I lose faith?? What happens to my head that the first thing I do is regress to old ways?? Back to the old ways of trying to “work it out on my own”, and the last thing I do is bounce it back up to Him, when He’s waiting right there to catch it.

I know I need to be more disciplined, especially now! Discipline has never been my strong point. I know I have some discipline, but I often wonder where I got that. Then I heard a song today by Nicole C. Mullin called "One Touch" and it was about just touching the hem of His garment. Yep, started to cry!!! I hate it when that happens! But at the same time I needed that to happen.

That's how I feel today, that all I have right now is the strength to just touch the hem.

So here I am tossing the life ball back to Him and knowing that He’s going to catch it, put a bit strength on it, and toss it back to me.