I'm very sad today....
I went back to work today and did my very best, but I just kept thinking that I'm moving on, but I'm moving on without my husband and this really, really makes me sad. I hate what I'm doing.... it just seems so meaningless. So stupid... they complain that their colors of their logo don't match. The green is a shade off..... Oh who FREAKING cares. Get over it.
I just can't be a good servant there. Because I really don't care if your colors are off... "do you know my husband just died!!!!" No, I didn't say that but... I wanted to.
I found this song today that just reminded me of Scott... and I miss him so much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wddQLJG5LBI
And so I continue to push "rewind- stop - play" and wonder at the seeds that were planted because of what he did and that we just let others come and see our "pain" and our joy.
And as we continued to just leap from moment of faith to moment of faith.... and watched as God performed His great wonders.
And as sad as it is... God does miracles. Not necessarily the ones we wanted, but miracles nonetheless.
Through this, his children witnessed his faith in God, and saw so much that I'm sure they are now thinking about God and all that goes with knowing God. His oldest daughter made contact, okay a little late, but I REALLY want her to be reintroduced to the man he became rather than the man that she remembers.
I only want what God wants and I continue to hear Him speak....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMqJWwO-S8E
I'm resting in "His Holiness"
But I'm still very sad. The tears flow freely tonight.
